So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
