god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
