sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
How naked do you want me to be?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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