I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
