Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
