I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
