i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
