Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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