We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
