we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
