I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
