well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
