o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
