I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
