Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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