She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
