Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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