**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
