Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
