Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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