She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
