So drunk its hurt
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
