we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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