...so i touched it.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
