This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
This house was built for laser tag.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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