I got chris browned last night
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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