Barsexuality is the new black.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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