i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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