now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Randomize
