3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
