Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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