Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Randomize
