There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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