Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
