but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
