That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
