Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
