I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
