P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize