D3 body, D1 cock
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
