better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I need to sanitize my soul.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize