I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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