the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
