You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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