everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
