I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
