Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
