I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
a search helicopter?!
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
