i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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