YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
