You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
