I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize