I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
