what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
