They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
