i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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