he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
