I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
