i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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