My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize