don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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