she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
