The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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