remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
