You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
