I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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