i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
