Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
