Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Did I show you my penis last night?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
