I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
