wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
