christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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