your room smells of hookers.
And success
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
