thus making me awesome and them whores
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
