I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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