if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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