What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
