Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize