You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
