You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Drake has all the answers
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
