Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
