dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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