I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Dear god my vagina.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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