dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
