yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
