Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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