How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Pooping to opera.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
