last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
