He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
