I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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