Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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