She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
