Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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