It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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