Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Randomize
