Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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