god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
