You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
