I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
there is puke in my bra ... again
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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