turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Pooping to opera.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
