we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
