all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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