The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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