I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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