it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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