i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
