I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
this is an emotional support booty call
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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