fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
