1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
