I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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