He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
