I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
