you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
