You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
